WASHINGTON, D.C. - The president says that if it does not stop snowing and pretty damn soon, he will have no choice but to have the White House moved to a much warmer climate, like San Antonio, Texas.
President Obama wanted to hold an emergency meeting with the Emergency Meeting Committee members on the horrible East Coast snowstorm, but none of his EMC members could attend the emergency meeting because of, to use the president's exact words, the mutha effen, son-of-a-bitchin' snow!
Meanwhile the two Obama daughters 'Snow Biggun' and 'Snow Littlun' as their grandma calls them were busy playing outside the Oval office window making a gigantic snowman, or actually a snow woman.
When the president's chief secret service agent, Laramie Cobalt asked the two 'first kiddoes' what they had named their amazingly big snow woman, Malia responded by saying, "We call her Oprah, after our big fat Aunt Oprah."
Agent Cobalt placed his index finger across his mouth and made the universal "shusssssssh' sound. Malia got in Cobalt's face and said, "Hey honkie, doncha be shushin' me. I'll go run on inside and tells my mama dat you be tellin' bad words ta me and my liddle sista, so ya best just better be backin' off cracker chump."
Meanwhile the president had sat down with Vice-President Joe Biden and his wife the 'First Mama' in the Oval office, which he has renamed the Ovaltine office in honor of the hot cocoa that he drinks when he's in there.
The three decided that it would be in the best interest of the people of the United States to have all of the snow that is on the White House grounds gathered up and ship it down to warm-climated Costa Rica where the sweaty Costa Rican people could build themselves one hell of a ski slope.
In other news. Reports are that Madonna is extremely devastated at being dumped by her Brazilian boyfriend boy toy 23-year-old Jesus Luz. The 51-year-old Madonna told her hairstylist, Mr. Fufi Fondue, that she never really liked 'Jess' because he did not even know the vowels, where Georgia peaches come from, or if the statue of liberty is a male or a female.