OSHKOSH, Wisconsin - Sarah Palin was in the big O speaking to a convention of The Unemployed Cheddar Cheese Makers of Wisconsin.
She told the assembled members that what they do, or rather, used to do, is more important than what Katie Couric, Brian Williams, and Diane Sawyer all do.
Palin said that all that the three network news anchors Katie, Brian, and Diane do is simply read the news off of a teleprompter. She went on to say that even the president of the United States can do that for goodness sakes.
She stated that probably 98% of all Democratic politicians use a teleprompter. Palin was quick to point out two things. First she said that she has never used a teleprompter and secondly she pointed out her new long-flowing hairdo.
She asked what the audience thought and they all started clapping, cheering, and chanting USA!, USA! USA!
"Snowflake" Palin asked "I hope that my new hairdo doesn't make me look too Kate Gosselinish."
One audience member hollered out that it didn't.
Palin asked, "Cause I'm a whole heck of a lot prettier huh?"
And the audience member replied, "No because Kate doesn't have to write messages, recipes, or grocery lists on the palm of her hands like you do."
"Eff you sir!" Palin shouted out.
"Well eff you back bitch." The audience member shot back.
"Next question?" Palin asked. One of her aids whispered in her ear that there had never even been a first question.
Palin turned red, and asked, "Okay then. Next answer?"
All of the audience members looked at each other in puzzled amazement. One hollered out, "Hey 'Snow Plow,' what da hell is you drinkin' woman?"
"Snow Sled" Sarah turned towards her aid. And she turned back to the crowd and replied, "Sprite Zero."
Todd's wife then told the crowd that she did want to go ahead and take the time to address the issue of her writing on her palms.
She said that she grew up poor. Her parents never bought them Christmas presents. Instead they would just wrap up canned food from the pantry and give it to them as presents.
"Snow Tits" said that she remembers coming home from school and asking her mom for a snack. Her mom would open the back door, go outside, grab a handful of snow and tell her that she had just bought some vanilla ice cream.
And little Sarah would eat it so that she would not hurt her mother's feelings.
"Shotgun" Sarah told the crowd that she knows what it is to have to do without basic essential things such as underwear, bottled water, lip gloss, pencils, high-powered telescopic rifles, deodorant, and ketchup.
She told the crowd that the reason that she writes notes on her palms is because this way she saves $2,989 on a teleprompter.
Palin added that the only problem is making sure to remember not to wash her hands before she makes a speech.
In other news. Queen Latifah has stated that the Super Bowl Entertainment Committee wants her to return the entire fee that they paid her to sing, because they said that she did not sing, or she said to put it in their exact words, "She did not sing worth a sh*t."
[WRITER'S NOTE: The SBEC is correct. The big bitch did not sing worth a s*it.]