"WE HAVE CREATED OR SAVED over 100 Million jobs," announced President Obama today, "and this is the really good part: they're all 'green jobs'." This announcement follows last weeks' new Securities and Exchange Commission rule that all U.S. Corporations must change their logos, trademarks and products to the color green.
"We are very pleased with the way my 'green jobs' initiative is moving forward," said the President, "but even I didn't predict the kind of 'green jobs' activity that we are seeing in my economy; and this far overshadows the job losses the country has suffered in the last year... entirely, of course, as a result of the decadent and disgraceful policies of the prior administration. Did I mention that I inherited a stinking cesspool of economic degradation?"
The President was asked how he can count 100 Million pre-existing jobs as "created or saved" by his administration when all that happened was that the corporations changed their product colors and logos to green.
"Well now, you must be from Fox News," said a rankled President, "but let me explain just for you since all the other reporters gathered here clearly 'get it'. I 'created' these jobs as 'new green jobs' when I instituted a new color rule and altered our prior counting methods. And I 'saved' these jobs because all these corporations followed my new rules rather than go out of business and fire all their employees. So, really, I 'created' 100 Million jobs and 'saved' 100 Million jobs for a total of 200 Million. I'm just using the most conservative number I can think of to describe what occured."
The President was also asked how his administration "defines a green job" and his answer was simple. "The concept of a 'green job' is obviously a work in progress, but the basic premise behind my green jobs initiative is that I get to define them, and I get to count them."
"Remember," added a proud President, "these 100 Million new green jobs do not include government jobs that will soon be green." White House aides later explained that the U.S. Post Office is looking into "going green" with new uniforms and stamps and that all military uniforms will soon be green.
The President was joined at the podium on the East Lawn of the White House by CEO's from several major corporations showing off their new green-colored logos and products. Flanking the CEO's and the President were green Coke cans, green butter, a green basketball, green big screen TV's, green computers and even a green General Motors sedan driven by the GM Chairman wearing an over-the-top green suit. After the press conference the President invited his guests into the White House for some green toast, green eggs and ham.