In a late night press release, the Republican Caucus issued a statement saying that they would not meet with the President until he addressed certain pre-existing conditions.
The conditions were such that they would entirely dictate and restrict any future debate. Senator Mitch McConnell and Congressman John Boehner looked like the cat that ate the canary at the end of their statement.
Senator Jim Demint was seen gigging, slapping his thighs and heard saying, "Holy cow, We really got him this time." The general feeling among the delegation was that Obama was totally boxed in and this would, in effect, be the end of his administration.
White House reporters dashed to the press room to find Obama there to speak to them. A relaxed Obama spoke,"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, thanks so much for coming. As you know, for a year I have had a policy of bi-partisanship in all of my dealing with the congress. I am now, at this time, canceling that policy due to pre-existing conditions. This is certainly something that my good friends on the other side of the aisle will understand. As their friends at the insurance companies will surely tell them, the buck stops.
Obama continued: "Now a word to my Republican friends and members of Congress, I have this to say. I urge you to filibuster to your hearts content and to this end I have ordered the staff at the Capitol building to start to set up the cots. Each of you will have one, complete with fresh linens every week or two. I have ordered "turn down" service each night and every pillow will have a chocolate mint wrapped in a copy of my birth certificate on it. I will look forward to following this entire event on c-span. God bless you and God bless the United States of America." He turned and left, taking no questions.
In other breaking news, the Republican members of congress started to arrive at the capitol building in late evening. There was an air of joviality as they each found their own cot. Senator John McCain was seen wearing a set of Doctor Denton Pajamas and carrying a complete set of Dr. Seuss books. He spoke to a reporter, quoting Dr. Seuss, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." The reporter left shaking his head and looking perplexed.
As the press corps left the building, they observed Congressman Boehner inspecting the tanning bed that he had ordered put alongside his cot. He was looking quite pleased. Internal memos show that the cost of the extra wiring was paid for by the state of Alaska.