"TELL THAT SHRILL, plastic surgeon's malpractice, four burned out bulbs short of a chandelier, skin covered skeleton in a pant suit that she should bite down on some crust with her pie hole before she criticizes me!"
Unconfirmed reports from the West Wing yesterday say that President Obama shouted these angry words after picking up a smudged and torn letter from Pelosi to "Mr. President" from under his desk. The letter from Pelosi criticized the President for "misguided economic policies" causing the country to lose "3.2 million jobs, the worst record since President Hoover."
It took several panicked presidential aides 27 minutes, 42 phone calls and 32 café mochas to determine that the letter found crumpled under the Oval Office desk was originally addressed to President Bush whose name had been obliterated along with the original date of the letter, August 1, 2003.
After heated discussions with aides to the "skin-covered skeleton in a pant suit" (aka the Speaker of the House) presidential aide, C. Bently Running Deer, eventually located the original text of the letter posted at the Speaker's official website.
"Nancy and I have kissed and made up," offered a chagrinned Obama who also denied the angry rant attributed to him in the media. "I have the highest regard for Speaker Pelosi," added the President, "and for her plastic surgeon."
Presidential aides were happy, in a weird way, to have the media focused on something other than the actual Obama job loss numbers over a like period which are worse than the numbers cited in Speaker Pelosi's 2003 letter to Bush.
These same aides were likewise relieved to have the media move on from the previous day's presidential faux pas that had the President mispronounce the term for military "corpsman" as "corpse-man" twice in a speech. C. Bently Running Deer was later overheard explaining that "it wasn't my fault; I've heard him say Marine Corps properly; I just didn't know we'd have to phonetically spell his speeches on the teleprompter."