Written by Ken Markdale
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Monday, 8 February 2010

image for CBS Refused To Run Al Qaeda Super Bowl Ad Showing Osama Bin Laden
I love my goats and I enjoy crossword puzzles

CBS DECIDED TO RUN a Focus On The Family advocacy ad about "Tim Teebow" during its Super Bowl broadcast but refused to run other ads that were not deemed "appropriate" for its audience.

This has Al Qaeda fuming and threatening First Amendment legal action over the network's refusal to run its commercial meant to "soften" the image of its terrorist leader, Osama Bin Laden.

"The American television audiences should know that Osama takes care of goats and enjoys riding his bicycle to and from tactical weapons planning meetings," said Al Qaeda spokesman Faruk Bin Ahshudin. According to Bin Ahshudin, Osama enjoys coffee and a crossword puzzle every day. "He is a modest man with three simple passions," added Bin Ahshudin, "his goats, his peaceful bicycle rides and his righteous plans to rain death and destruction upon the West."

The ad has since been posted on websites related to Al Qaeda. It purports to show a weaponless Bin Laden riding his bicycle down a mountain path, followed by 3 goats (identified as Cecil, Virgin and Doc) that he stops to pet affectionately while also waiving to a predator drone flying high above his head.

A heavily accented voice-over explains that "this man should not be feared" since he "lives a simple life and kills many fewer peoples than Barrack Hussein Obama." The ad ends with a warning that "Obama better call off his drones" or "many more very bad things will most assuredly happen;" then we see the Twin Towers collapsing with the sound of braying and laughing goats.

"It's not really the message that caused us a problem," said spokesman Slade Davidson, "but the production values of the commercial submitted by Al Qaeda were just not up to our standards." Davidson added, "Besides, we don't think he really owns a goat named 'Virgin'."

In the wake of Al Qaeda's commercial, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has called for a House Intelligence Services Committee hearing to question the use of predator drones to harass or kill Bin Laden as an unnecessary provocation of terrorist acts against the United States. "He doesn't seem like such a mean guy," said Pelosi, "and we need to stop this endless cycle of violence."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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