BLIZZARDS, POWER FAILURES AND EXTENDED COLD TEMPERATURES have apparently prompted Global Warming experts in Washington D.C. to announce the relocation of their offices to Florida. "This weather is ridiculous," said Dick Allshank, Chief Scientific Spokesman for the Washington D.C. based Global Warming Prediction Institute, "and you can't expect serious scientists to do quality work under these conditions."
In a carefully worded statement GWPI explained that the "recurring power outages arising from damningly cold weather conditions over a period of years" had caused them to consider relocation of their headquarters to the Orlando, Florida area. "Technically, we're not moving because of the weather," explained Allshank, "but because of the power outages; although we we've been hoping for years for a longer golf season due to global warming and it doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon."
"We won't be as close to Washington politicians in Orlando," said Allshank, "but our new offices will offer an opportunity to invite Senators down to show them firsthand the deleterious effects of a warmer climate."
Apparently, these effects are largely found on golf courses as we caught up with Mr. Allshank the next day on the first tee of a private golf course near Orlando. "We're going to love it here," said Allshank. "The weather is much more like we predict at GWPI and all the House and Senate members that we've spoken to can't wait to get here."
Asked if the consistently colder temperatures would have an impact on GWPI research and predictions, Mr. Allshank teed up his golf ball and topped it hard to the left before answering, "Why? That's like my golf game, it never changes."