MIAMI - General Larry Platt of American Idol fame has been chosen to toss out the first football at The XLIV Super Bowl between the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints.
The man who popularized the song "Pants On The Ground" said that he was honored to be allowed to attend the game and for free at that.
He remembers a time when he was not allowed to ride a bus, a taxi, or a John Deere tractor.
Platt recalls telling Rosa Parks, of the Montgomery, Alabama, city bus fame, that she better sit all the way to the back of the bus like she's supposed to or else she's liable to get her friggin black (blank) caught in the wringer.
He said he told Rosa four damn times, but the woman was one hard-headed (blank). He recalls Rosa telling him that things were getting so crazy that her grandmother Bonnie LaBrenda Parks had sewed her a bullet-proof bra, some bullet-proof socks, and some bullet-proof panties.
General Platt wanted everyone to know that he does not mean to put down black teens who wear their pants halfway down their ass, or their cap turned to the side like they're dumb or stupid.
He just wants them to show a little respect so that women and girls don't have to see them doing their plumbers imitation.
The General pointed out that there is already enough crack in the black world. And as for the caps being worn sideways, he asks if anyone has ever seen a professional baseball player wearing his cap sideways. He answers his own question. No. And why not? (asking his own question)
"Because dey don't wanna be's lookin' like a fool, dat be why not."
The General was told that he will be sitting on the 40 yard line with Nicole Kidman on one side and Marcia Cross on the other. Platt replied, "Oh Lordy, I's gonna be lookin' like one of dem reverse Oreo Cookies."
In other news. The state of California registered a 1.7 earthquake this morning. CNN reporters later learned that it was actually caused by Kirstie Alley sneezing.