Written by Richard White
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Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Pentagon orders Pink Ouija Board "Secret Taliban Weapon"
General Stephen Phelan

The children's sleepover staple since 1967 now comes in hot pink, an edition released two years ago that gets tweens to call on "spirits" to spell out answers to life's pressing questions.

It's designed for young girls ages 8 and older, to ask the spirit world such burning questions like "is Brad Pit going to leave Angelina Jolie" . Or more profound questions that burn in the soles of many tweens, such as when they will be lucky enough to lose their virginity to their best girl friend while playing spin the bottle.

But some say the mysterious product is a "dangerous spiritual game" that opens up anyone, particularly Christians and Taliban, to attacks on their soul and spirituality. Some religious groups are concerned that it will makes its way to the military and may undermine the "don't ask don't tell" rule in the armed forces.

The game continues to be sold at Toys R Us locations in the U.S. and Canada for $19.99. Sales have recently skyrocketed and sources close to the Pentagon say they have slowly been securing stock piles of the Pink Phenomena.

One source who is not authorized to talk to the media or for that matter anyone else says "it will be used in conjunction with other secret weapons the U. S Government has. He says the Taliban should bounce off the wall when they see "PINK"

There's a spiritual reality to it according to the maker's liaison to the Pentagon, General Stephen Phelan.

"This should drive the Taliban right out of Afghanistan," Phelan says. "Can you just see the daughters of the Taliban sitting in their huts playing on that pink board. It will drive Fathers into a frenzied state of confusion."

According to Phelan, once the Taliban have reached that higher state of confusion is the time the U. S Miliary are likely to launch covert activities throughout Afghanistan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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