"They ARE as dumb as white bread," said Rahm Emanuel of Republicans after apologizing for calling some members of his own party, retarded.
"I apologize for calling them retarded. It was an insult to all of the, fine, wonderful, and loving retarded folks in this country and I am deeply sorry. They didn't deserve this kind of slur. Retardation can sometimes be aided with proper care and training. However, the state, itself, might even be God's will for that person. Dumb as white bread, well, seems to be a matter of choice for most who practice it. I understand the Republicans would reject the label, retarded. But, what are their options?"
A reporter asked Emanuel if he regretted the "white bread" remark. "Well, they ARE as dumb as white bread," replied Emanuel. "No intent to malign the other fine breads like, Wheat, Oatmeal, Rye and Flax. White bread, is, well, you know, dumb. Mostly, it is used for bait while fishing because it stays on the hook. You can draw your own conclusions and take it from there."
T J McCorkle, of Louisburg, NC, and chairman of the local Dumb as White Bread Society was asked about Emanuel's comment.
"My family has been dumb as white bread for generations. My daddy, my daddy's daddy, and his daddy were all dumb as white bread, and proud of it. And as far as that fancy pants, latte drinking, tofu eating Rahm Emanuel is concerned, all I can say is what my uncle Forest Gump use to say, Stupid is, as stupid does. Excuse me now. I am off to Nashville. Giving a seminar on How To Kill A Mockingbird And Other Dangerous Birds Of Prey. I hear it's sold out!"