Washington, DC - Today the country of Paraguay announced its support for and participation in the US-led international coalition in Iraq. Plus, in an effort to boost its international popularity, the land-locked South American country has launched a PR blitz to coincide with its recent addition to the coalition.
Administrative Assistant to the US Deputy Undersecretary of State, second year Georgetown law student Jamie Johansen, met with Paraguayan president Nicanor Duarte Frutos yesterday at TGI Friday's (the one by TJ Maxx) to hash out the details outlining Paraguay's foray into the US-led war on terror. Paraguay agreed to join the coalition and provide much-needed military personnel relief. Paraguay's crack army divisions, the 1st and 3rd mounted llama cavalry will join coalition forces providing logistical support in such anti-American Iraqi hotspots as Najaf, Falujah and "anywhere else you can find an Iraqi."
A State Department press release also announced that Paraguay has pledged to send a team of two Spanish-Arabic translators to Afghanistan with orders to decipher two "unique" Al Queda communications to unspecified countries on the South American continent whose names rhyme with "silly" and "large-antenna." In exchange for Paraguay's generous support, the US has pledged $1 billion in no-interest "loans" to the country and a Miami waterfront mansion, owned until very, very recently by very, very recently-deported Latin entertainer Enrique Iglesias, to Duarte Frutos.
President Bush was quick to beat his chest announcing the news at a campaign stop in Council Bluffs, IA.
"See? We're gaining ground. The world community supports our efforts in Iraq. Now our American military mothers can rest at ease, knowing that soldiers from other countries will also be blown up unnecessarily."
Attempting to capitalize on the expected media coverage, Paraguay has launched a PR blitz. The country's slogan "Paraguay: Land-locked and Loving It" is intended to generate a buzz in industrialized countries and boost much-needed tourism dollars in the form of sales of immensely popular Latin American handmade souvenirs like ponchos, blankets, and pan-flutes.
The agency of record, Saatchi and Saatchi of New York nabbed the less-than-lucrative $50,000 account saying they have their best interns working on the project. Insiders expect the campaign will produce results ranging between "mild" and "lukewarm."
"This is the kind of publicity my country needs" boasted an optimistic Duarte Frutos. "With 98% of the world unaware of my country, even a 1% increase is a landslide. And I've always wanted a place in Miami, so even if the PR thing is a flop, I've got that going for me."