Written by Charlie Van Horn

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Monday, 18 October 2004

MADISON, WI (SP) -- In a move to shore up his lead in the crucial swing state of Wisconsin, Democratic Presidential Nominee John Forbes Kerry shocked his supporters by announcing that instead of North Carolina Senator John Edwards as his running mate, he chose a pumpkin named 'Monty' from nearby Milton.

"With all those signs out there saying 'Kerry/Edwards', I know it won't be easy." said the candidate, "Plus all them ballots have to be changed, but I know that Monty and I are going to save America."

President Bush, in Ohio shoring up that states crucial 'dead vote', used this latest incident as an example as to why Kerry shouldn't be trusted.

"He's a Massachusetts Liberal, and he's running with a gourd. First Edwards, now a Halloween decoration, how can a guy deliver a clear message when his next in command has only one tooth?"

Flacked in his trademark 'Brand-new never seen a day of work in its life' Car-Hart coat, the Senator explained to nearly four supporters in this sleepy central Wisconsin hamlet why 'Monty' is going to help him defeat incumbant George Bush.

"Look at him!! He's cuter than Edwards with that Jewel-esque wiggly tooth.......and all the Republicans can say about him is the fact Theresa took a knife to his head and carved his guts out to make him for me."

Monty the Pumpkin has no political experience, although was voted 'Most likely to have his head carved open and brains yanked out" in this falls annual 'Pumpkin Patch Senior Ball'.

Senator John Edwards, the North Carolina native whose boyish good looks has lead him in the last three weeks to pose for nude photographs in exchange for votes, wasn't aware he was dropped from the ticket until Tim Russert broke the news to him on "Meet the Press".

"I really believe this is just another piece of Conservative spin" stated Edwards, after finishing up earning the vote of Mary Norman of Scottsdale, Arizona. "Monty the Pumpkin can't shake it like I do for the ladies, like those fine looking ones here at 'Shady Meadows Village'."

The Kerry/Monty ticket continues on this week with stops in Nebraska, Florida, and Alberta.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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