Written by The Lampoon Journal
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Friday, 5 February 2010

BATON ROUGE - For a select few citizens in Louisiana's state capital of Baton Rouge, the upcoming Super Bowl has a different meaning for them. Hearing the anecdotes about how good a win would be for the city of New Orleans after the very recent, devastating attack on their city's shorelines from Hurricane Katrina five years ago, the French descendant population of Baton Rouge is equally as devastated from the recent events of the Louisiana Purchase of 1803.

"Hemenaw saw ye saw bawl," said Jean Luc-Pierre, resident of Baton Rouge. "Te taw my saw jen sawsaw bawl," he concluded with a tear rolling down his face.

"The Louisiana Purchase has long been a dark and difficult cloud, shroud above most French-Louisianans," said historian Edward Schwartzbaugh. "The deal, brokered by Thomas Jefferson and purchased from Napoleon Bonaparte, consisted of $11 million USD and a boot of whiskey and encompassed Louisiana, Missouri, Arkansas and several other territories like Iowa and Oklahoma that were and still are deemed wasteland," Schwartzbaugh detailed.

"Because the sale encompassed such an important trade route for the America's, the French were deemed to be swindled to release the territory at such a cheap price, and this resentment has lingered ever since," he concluded.

Just as Hurricane Katrina has affected the individuals in New Orleans, so has the Louisiana Purchase for those select French traditionalists, and maybe, just maybe, through voodoo magic or whatever craftiness they pull, Peyton Manning will confuse the Saints for the Patriots and lose, finally conceding closure to the last stand of the French Reich.

© 2010, The Lampoon Journal

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