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Sunday, 17 October 2004

image for Scott Peterson: Fertilizer Salesman Of The Year
AFA Floating Trophy

People attending Scott Peterson's trial on Monday are in for a big surprise. Instead of the defense opening their case, proceedings will be delayed for an hour, as Scott Peterson is named as the AFA Fertilizer salesmen of the Year 2003.

The American Fertilizer Association chairman Alan Freed, who will present the trophy, said that it was seldom that the recipient is as worthy of the award as Scott is. He simply stood out above all the other candidates.

Asked why Peterson shone so brightly, Freed responded : "Shit in your hat and punch it, this guy made so much hay (makes the bullshit) in his calls with Amber Frey, that he was not only selling it, he was making it as well. So he was then able to sell it wholesale to the jury, as opposed to others who are forced to sell fertilizer retail".

Freed was asked whether there was a big price differential between wholesale and retail. "Well when you're talking about crap then we're looking at about a turd off, if you sell wholesale. As you have all seen, Scott's been able to sell a whole heap of **** during the trial. Sadly Geragos his lawyer seems more intent on trying to win a verdict than allowing him the chance of going nationwide to pitch for buyers in their millions".

Scott Peterson was overwhelmed when he heard that he had won the award that he had always coveted. "I feel as if I'm floating in a cloud high above the courtroom. It makes all the fear and uncertainty of this trial seem worthwhile. I'd almost be tempted to say I'd do it all over to get to where I am today".

Mark Geragos was somewhat less pleased than his client. "As thrilled as I am for Scott to win this meaningless award could it not have waited until after the trial? If he walks, you can do it at a hotel, if not, you can tell them to hold the function on death row. Either way you're holding a crap shoot in my courtroom which better end in 5 minutes".

Lee Peterson, Scott's dad was delighted. "I know that this award means a lot to my son and couldn't have come at a better time. I have to thank the prosecution for playing all the Amber Frey calls for this, without them it would never have been possible for Scott to win".

The comments of the prosecution and Laci Peterson family are unprintable. It was left to the judge to have the final word : "Anyone in my courtroom who shouldn't be here 5 minutes from now, spends two weeks inside with Scott Peterson". So no change there.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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