Written by Adam Click
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Sunday, 14 February 2010

image for Serial Killer Had Complained That Neighbors Were Loud And Rude
Serial Killer John Johnson enjoyed quiet walks in the woods and beautiful sunsets.

It was revealed today that serial killer John Johnson, who allegedly is responsible for the murder of nineteen young woman in this small Michigan town, had routinely complained to official's about his neighbor's loud and rude behavior. The complaints go back years and started shortly after Johnson moved to this neighborhood fourteen years ago, police records indicate.

The complaints, received via letter and later e-mail, were never acted upon and so neighbor's were blissfully unaware of Johnson's feelings. Johnson was found wandering through a city park carrying a black trash bag. When police stopped him they found the torso of young Michelle Smith in the bag. During a subsequent search of John's yard they exhumed 17 more bodies.

It wasn't until the grisly discoveries were made that the complaints came to light and sent this quiet neighborhood reeling. " Honestly, we had no idea." said Frank Graham, who with his wife and three children, lived next door to the killer for ten years.

"When we first moved here, we'd talk to him over the fence, we'd invite him to our outings and such, but he'd always politely decline. We figured he was just the quiet type. So, after a while we just stopped inviting him.". "Good Lord!" gasped Marion Graham, Frank's wife, "If what we did was in anyway...".

Johnson's complaints ranged from loud music to trespassing, and included such comments as "Neighbors partied till all hours!" and "Dog dug hole under fence.". They were meticulously recorded by police dispatchers but were given such low priority that most were just logged.

His own statement upon his arrest stated a deep animosity towards his neighbors. He described how they would just wave when meeting casually, and at other times would take a deep personal interest in his private affairs. "There was one time when I was bringing a girlfriend home, and Howard from across the street shouts: "Hey, Johnny! I see you've got a new girlfriend! Hopes this one lasts longer than the last one!"

Despite the misgivings of the Graham's and Mr. Johnson's other neighbors, police have yet to prescribe a motive for the slayings. Hearings in the case will begin next week and are expected to last months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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