President O'Bomba, teleprompter reading at gunpoint to demands from the Banking and Insurance Industries, finally agreed to sign an Executive Order to dumb down the population even more, and to reward schools and teachers for "doing the dumbing down even dumber.
The previous mind dumbing system installed by the Bush regime, designed to "Leave No Capable Students Left Getting Ahead", did at least slap a failing label on the lowest performing one-third of schools with huge drop out rates, poor test scores and high rates of students citing "Bubba" as both their brother and sister, last teacher's name and only known parent. The new O'Bomba program, is being labeled "Dumb and Dumber II" by many, and is expected achieve new highs of a different type in and out of the classrooms.
The revised O'Bomba "Dumb & Dumber II" program will now provide legal entitlement to a High School Diploma based on attendance only. As an incentive, the O'Bomba Dumb & Dumber program will reward both schools and teachers for improving attendance, even if the curriculum is comprised of nothing more than six periods of teacher involved interactive sex education with Special Ed Instructors cracking Tiger Woods jokes while writing twisty spoofs for Spoof.com.
In order to increase the odds of students attending, all school rooms will be outfitted with Big Screen T.V.'s, Pornstar satellite service, fresh pot from California and a minimum of one bong per student in all classes with two or more students. Teachers will now receive bonuses when an entire class reaches a requisite level of ignorance, and all "self actualize" in the stratosphere of "higher" education.
With the re-vamp, it appears assured students will be well schooled for the demands of a third world country operating in the 21st century and the US will finally achieve "equality in education" with all students receiving an equally worthless degree.
Reporting from "Equality in Education",