Revelations concerning Democratic presidential nominee, Senator John Kerry, are starting to pour in as the elections draw near. In Idaho scientists confirm that the Kerry family are descended from CHINpanzees and not apes that learned to walk erect. The CHINps examined were sold to the Idaho Zoo by the Cambodian Zoo circa 1968.
Dr Johan Welder explains : "Ven ve first zaw ze Kerry elder doing a knuckle-walk, ve confirmed to ze Zoo Curator zat ve vould not go near it until ve heard it zpeak. Zen it zpoke und confirmed it vos seeking ze secret of fire und had learned to valk erect zat morning".
Dr Welder then went on to say that this CHINp-like walk, meant that these were "humanish" forms descended not from apes but CHINps, hence the huge protruding CHIN.
While this was breaking, news was coming in from Russia that Senator Kerry was to be indicted for the nuclear meltdown at CHINoble. The CHINoble plant seemed to implode in on itself without any reason therefore. Until the discovery of the CHIN factor.
While the Russians were clamoring for blood George Tenet, former Director of the CIA, confirmed that he was writing a book about a spy from an Asian country who was running for president. The book is entitled : The CHIN from China". It contains amazing revelations about the feline of a former Chinese ruler - Miaow tse CHIN.
The FBI in turn, have uncovered a plot to rename the American capital, WaCHINgton, if a certain genius should find himself in power. VirCHINians will also be none too pleased with their new name. They will be told to take it on the chin.
Japanese sources confirm that : "Ah some lunahtic has ordered 250 000 Chin dogs. Ah who we to quibble?"
The most preposterous claims come from those who say that Senator Kerry is seeking to restore the CHIN Dynasty of 265-289 AD. The Chin reunified China by conquering the Wu Kingdom. "Wu gives a f...?", as I always say.
Whichever way you look at it, with the elections just a few short weeks away, it has to be of concern that the most powerful man in the world could be a CHINp, planted by China, having nearly wrecked Russia, and that's just for starters.