Written by Tommy_Chewat
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Topics: George W. Bush, Vote

Wednesday, 13 October 2004

image for George W. Bush - Ominous Threat at Final Debate
We're gonna blow them away - jokes Bush aide

Critics are shocked as only minutes away from the closure of tonight's final debate former oil insurance ombudsman and campy cheerleader George W. Bush stared directly in to the camera and declared. "Vote for me - we wouldn't want another Florida would we?"

Many people are interpreting the statement to be a reference to the 2000 election in which Bush and all of his cronies illegally stole the right to vote from thousands of democratic black voters. However, an in an official statement from the Bush campaign spokesman Governor Marc Racicot declared.

"He was actually referring to the unusually volatile hurricane activity in the area. Which he personally evoked, by power of demons, as a private joke. His brother Jeb recently mocked Bush's economic performance and called him a gimp at a family function. You have to remember, this is a man who would wipe out an entire nation over family pride and oil money."

Rumors of Bush's geomancy have long pervaded the corridors of Washington. Along side these rumors is a whisper that Bush has been maintaining a contract with principal H. P. Lovecraft demon Cuthulu. However, up until now, Bush has never spoken directly on the matter. Political annalists are worried that by using this power so publicly Bush will alienate the wicked-witch demographic that Condoleezza Rice has been doing so much work to court.

In response to Bush's comment Kerry had only the following to say:

"The power to make hurricanes is all well and good, yet is no substitute for the ability to create jobs or a satisfactory result in Iraq. In four years as president Bush has squandered a projected Eight Trillion surplus and has not created a single job. America deserves better than this. You deserve better than this."

Nonetheless, critics are attacking Kerry for this position as in April of 1994 he made the following statement.

"I do enjoy a nice breeze every now and then."

Kerry has always been vague on the subject of geomancy and the comment might really count against him in some essential swing states.

Polls from all the major news networks show that Kerry only just won the debate with approval ratings at 49% to Bush 49.01% to Kerry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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