CAIRO - Osama Bin Laden has finally surfaced and he is certainly in fine form. He has gained back about 13 of the 20 pounds he lost while hiding like a deranged rat in caves of Pakistan, India, Nepal, Bangladesh, and Finland.
The 6 foot 6 inch Bin Laden still does not go out much because as tall as he is he would stick out like a sore thumb in any country he visits except for Liechtenstein, where the average male stands 6 foot 6.
Another thing that gives the 52-year-old father of 26 away is that he is always seen with his trusty Sony Video Recorder which he carries on his shoulder.
Bin Laden remarked that he no longer wears the Tony Romo Dallas Cowboys number 9 jersey that he wore for the most part of 2009.
He pointed out that the reason is not because the Cowboys lost in the playoffs, but instead because of the cold, callous, mean-hearted manner in which Tony dumped Jessica Simpson on the day before her 29th birthday.
Osama pointed out that he still buys his size 14D sandals at the Desert Hut Retail Shoe Store in Karachi, Pakistan, where he receives a discount of 15 percent.
Bin Laden was recently interviewed by Omar Aswanshama of Cairo's radio station KCAM, known throughout Egypt as "The King Camel."
He was asked if he ever gets tired of having to hide all of the time. He replied by asking, if Lindsay Lohan ever gets tired of pining for Samantha Ronson, or if Ann Coulter ever gets tired of looking like a horse.
Aswanshama took those two questions to mean no. He was then asked to comment on America. He paused for a few moments and said that he hopes to visit again someday, but next time not as a tourist as he did this past November.
When asked to elaborate he said that he would rather not. He did want it known that he blames the U.S. for global warming, typhoons, and the ridiculously high price of NBA tickets.
His eyes lit up and he said that speaking of sports he wanted to send out a message that he wants the American people to boycott the Super Bowl.
When asked why he replied that he just did not like the fact that his all-time football hero Brett Favre would not be playing since his Minnesota Vikings got beat by the Indianapolis Colts 31 to 28.
In other news. British singer Lily Allen has stated that Cheryl Cole was in fact correct when she remarked that she (Lily) has three nipples.