A boxy bulge at the back of the suit coat of President George W. Bush, during the first debate with Senator John Kerry, has led to widespread speculation that he was wired to receive help with his answers. Sources close to the administration have now confirmed that he was and that "the help" was coming from Donald Rumsfeld.
Senator Kerry, on the other hand received no help whatsoever. The president's camp has conceded this, not as a result of any technical checks but rather pursuant to the Senator's replies.
His starter question was, what were his views on Iraq? We record the same herewith for two reasons : a)To record those views b)To assist those studying mental illness in American politics.
"When I stood on the shores of Cambodia on Christmas day 1968, I realised that if I should ever get home, navigation and geography must be my first courses at College."
<Rumsfeld was screaming down the wire : "Show them his lobotomy scar!!>
"But I did return, Fonda of America, Moore keen to make a go of my life. Moore obsessed that no American should be sent to Cambodia...I personally found their Tet offensive!! So I tossed my medals...light vinegar and mayo makes a wonderful salad....but I digress".
"Today you ask me what I think of Iraq? Well I am absolutely certain that we should never have gone to Iraq...that's why I voted in favour of going at the time. It's like my Catholicism, I'm a staunch Catholic who believes abortion may be okay. Yes I voted in favour of going BUT only as far as that meant pulling out at the last minute....what? How dare you?!! Of course I'm speaking about Iraq not abortion for that last bit."
"We had to go as long as we did not arrive there and if we got there we had to pull out before we went in. Now we're in we must pull out because if we stay in we will be thrown out. So I voted yes to go but I didn't mean we should actually go, in fact when George said 'should we go', turns out I was the only one in the toilet."
"Finally in respect of the war on terror, that is where we should be focusing our efforts. We need to pursue Osama and Zaquawi to the ends of the American borders before turning back and throwing our medals into the sea but only while in Cambodia!!"
<Rumsfeld down the line : "I can't top that, ask him if he does childrens parties!".>