Written by Xinix Xaxx
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Topics: Cartoon

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Prehistory's own champion, Captain caveman was found to be quite alive today. His cocaine overdose death was nothing but a rumour. Captain Caveman was working undercover, in a sense, for the authorities.

Captain Caveman, or Cavie to his closest friends, has always been known for his sense of justice. When he was approached by the police just before his retirement, he was happy to help. He was given instructions and coached on what to do in certain circumstances and sent off to try to find out who supplied Scrappy Doo with his cocaine.

Police had long known about Scrappy and his dealing, but they didn't want to arrest the little fish at the bottom of the food chain. They wanted to go after the big fish at the top. It wasn't easy to gain trust in the organization, and they figured that, by sending in someone who had recently retired from active crime fighting, they might find a way around the innate paranoia of a drug-pushing operation. When they thought of Captain Caveman and how little Scrappy thought of him to begin with, they knew if they could talk Cavie into it, they'd have the little dog by the tail.

Captain Caveman was a natural at pretending to be in need of a dose of cocaine. He was always an excellent actor, and had the ability to manipulate his own fur in a manner that made him appear to shiver. With his naturally bloodshot looking eyes, he was perfect to play the part. In a few days, Captain Caveman was well on his way into the gang.

For three months, Cavie played the role. Everyone, including the police, was believing Cavie was out of control. People were convinced that if he had ever been doing something for police, he had forgotten about it and was deep into cocaine and partying. Even the police were ready to arrest him, believing he was beyond their control.

The night Scrappy Doo murdered Daphne Blake was the night everyone knew, just knew something bad would happen to Captain Caveman. It was a mere two days later he was found dead from an overdose.

Apparently, this was untrue. Cavie faked his death so flawlessly that not even the narcotics police and DEA agents with whom Cavie worked, had any idea he was perfectly fine. Captain Caveman stayed out of sight for weeks, working secretly to get the names of the people the DEA was desperate to find. It worked.

Captain Caveman came back into the public spotlight when he single-handedly captured Lorenzo Montoya and sixteen of his downline distributors as well as over twenty bodyguards. Cavie refuses to give any details of the capture, claiming it was just the kind of thing a super-hero does for the people who need him. Well, Captain Caveman, on behalf of the people, thank you for your good work! Enjoy your well-deserved retirement!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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