After the High Frequency Active Aural Research Program's earthquake weapon test went terribly wrong (or right as some have suggested), the Haiti military have set out to destroy the secret military testing base in Alaska to stop further earthquake attacks against them or anyone else in the world. They also plan to get rid of Danny Glover, Al Gore and anyone else who stupidly suggested that the earthquakes were caused by CO2 footprints.
Meanwhile, Al Gore has been feeding funds to HAARP to try and get the secret weapon to warm up the atmosphere in order to maintain his wacky man made global warming religion - as reality is obviously showing that things are cooling down - not warming up! If you need evidence of this, simply read some of the other spoof.com articles that this reporter has written or go anywhere where real honourable science is still done and steer clear of all of that data manipulation and climategating shenanigans for snowbound Copenhagen meetings.
Unfortunately, an insider from HAARP has leaked information advising the Haiti military not to attack. This is because they will be met by a barrage of mind controlling sound waves and microwave pulses which will cause huge amounts of believing anything that the main stream news media tries to sell you as the truth about reality.