WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) -- Two anthropologists were killed early Thursday morning when the walls of Nacy Pelosi's vagina collapsed while they were studying Neanderthal Cave Paintings discovered therein last year.
Killed were Nevada's famed Dr. Dianne J. Poor, PhD, the grandmother of the Goat Girl, and Dr. Ron Paul XVIth, the original discoverer of the art works.
Three junior members of the expedition were rescued from the early morning explosion, attributed to dust accumulation in the atmosphere of Pelosi's unused vagina.
"One minute we were photographing a beautiful, charcoal representation of a musk rat, and the next minute, a hot, fetid wind filled with large boulders swept over us, immediately killing the lead investigators," said one of the survivors.
"We are exceedingly saddened by the loss of Dr.s Poor and Paul," said Smithsonian Director Ron Paul XVth, brother of the slain anthropologist.
"None the less, many advancements to the science of anthropology resulted from the discoveries, not the least of which was the solving of the mystery surrounding the whereabouts of James. R. Hoffa's body, which was located earlier last autumn," said Paul XVth.
The surviving three members of the expidition were treated for bruises, broken bones and STD's before being released from the George Warshington University Proctology Center Thursday afternoon.
The bodies of Poor and Paul were not recovered from the House Speaker's body due to excessive gaseous buildup. Memorial bronzes will be placed just outside the disaster area.
Signs prohibiting entry into the House Speaker's vagina were erected within her pantyhose, although experts believe only a moron would venture near Pelosi's snatch.
Funeral services for the two slain scientists will be held in Las Vegas and in Washington, DC, with Vice President Joe Biden representing President Obama, who is busy preparing his state of the nation address.