In a decision that is sure to change The United States of America for all time, the Supreme Court announced that it is eliminating the executive and legislative branches of government and is appointing Goldman Sachs to replace them.
In a five to four decision, the court announced that it was taking these steps to modernize the government and to put the decision making process where it belongs.
Justice John Scalia, speaking for the majority stated, "Goldman Sachs and the rest of the banking industry have been calling the shots anyway. We are just eliminating the middle man and Goldman and the rest can call the lobbyists home and pay the legislators directly even though they will be no more than figureheads,like it is now, really. We will still have the President, he and the wife and kids may have to move to an apartment, but he will stay on to make speeches and stuff like that. This is good for America, it is good for Wall Street, and it sure as hell is good for us here in the Beltway."
Reaction was swift in the halls of Congress as Senators and Congressman huddled to figure out their future. It has been rumored that Goldman has put Senator Reid on an ice floe off the coast of Alaska and given Congressman Alan Grayson, a Vikings Funeral off the coast of Florida. Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina reportedly shouted "you lie" at a Goldman executive and was quietly removed from the House Chambers and hung by his thumbs in the congressional cloakroom.
In one of the first economic decisions, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein announced that they and the rest of the banking industry were foreclosing on all of the mortgages in the US and trading them to China in exchange for the national debt. Stocks soared on Wall Street as word of the announcement spread.
In other breaking news, the Chinese government is advertising on state run radio and TV, homes for sale in America. One announcement stated, "American Town houses For Sale in Teaneck, NJ, USA. Ask for #3 Special."
Meanwhile, Americans woke up this morning with the airwaves flooded with a message from President HU Jintao of China singing with the National Chinese Youth Chorus----
"This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me."
The singing ended with the following announcement: "For a better tomorrow, come to beautiful China, live and work as a peasant."