Written by zooguy
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Thursday, 7 October 2004

image for John Edwards Bears All in November Playgirl
Virile Veep

- Los Angeles, CA

Revealing their October Surprise, the Kerry-Edwards campaign announced yesterday that John Edwards will be featured in the November issue of Playgirl. In efforts to capitalize on John Edwards' youthful appearance and good looks, the Kerry-Edwards campaign hopes to nab the crucial lonely CEO's wife vote.

The six-page spread shot by noted adult photographer Michael Tilden features Edwards in a variety of settings: wading in the Washington Monument's reflecting pool, laying on a king size bed wrapped in the American flag, and rolling around in a hay loft.

The photo shoot was the brainchild of none other than master Democratic strategist James Carville.

"That man gets ladies' blood a-flowin'. This campaign is vicious and Johnny's sex appeal means votes. You have to use all the guns in your arsenal. Do you want to lose the election and look back and say ‘I wish we would'a done that shoot,' or are ya gonna just say ‘hell with it' and get the job done?"

News of the shoot spread like wild fire in the porn community. Roger Rogerson, head of the Carnal Union of Models, Strippers, HOokers, and Technicians or C.U.M.S.H.O.T., later endorsed the Kerry-Edwards ticket saying, "this is a proud moment for the adult entertainment industry. We're finally legit with Edwards' appearance in Playgirl."

Edwards was happy with the final product but said it was difficult to get into the mood. "At first I was a little shy and was just gonna have Michael do some innocent pictures of me without my shirt. But I got more relaxed and he talked me into going down to just boxers. Then as I got more comfortable with my body, we moved on to some more risqué poses. Before I knew it, there I was naked as a jay bird."

The issue, hitting adult bookstores this week, features a bio penned by Edwards and offers a personal look at the man who would be a heartbeat away from the Presidency. Edwards writes that he hopes his photos comfort all those lonely housewives who don't see their hard working CEO husbands all that much, and lists his hobbies as "writing, campaigning, and ‘hanging out.'" Edwards says his turn-ons include sunset walks on the beach and Homeland Defense; his turn offs: closed-minded conservatives and tort reform. Edwards adds that his wife calls his member "Mount Gush-more."

Edwards ends his bio with a quote "I hope women like me for more than just my sexy looks and huge [expletive deleted]. I'm really a deep, intriguing person once you get to know me. Best Wishes, John."

Playgirl's invitation to the Bush-Cheney camp for an equal time spread of Dick Cheney was declined.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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