The newest Senator from the Bay State, Scott Brown, formerly a centerfold in Cosmopolitan Magazine circa 1982, has shown that sex sells for the GOP. Having found a winning strategy for Massachusetts, the Republican party now is on a hunt for hot, young Republicans who may not be afraid to show some skin and 'press some flesh'.
The GOP will now require full body nude photographs for any aspiring politician. "We now know what the people want and we are willing and able to give it to them, including: low taxes, no socialized medicine, and hot politicians" said GOP Chairman Michael Steele.
Mr. Brown's new colleagues, the Republican senators, are also all-in for this new strategy. But they want to keep their positions away from younger, hotter upstart politicians. Senator (and former Presidential Candidate) John McCain is spearheading a "Hottie Senators of the GOP" calender for 2011.
Newest Senator Brown will be Mr. January with Mr. McCain as Mr. December, and other hot incumbent senators will be in between. In a related matter, Senator McCain's office just purchased the latest Photoshop software but would not comment as to why.
Sarah Palin, in a move to be relevant, also stated that she would have a calender next year. In an agreement with the National Rifle Association, the former Vice-Presidential Candidate and Governor of Alaska will pose for a "tastefully done" calender shoot.
The photos should include Mrs. Palin in various forms of dress, showing off guns and rifles with the beautiful Alaskan wilderness as a backdrop. Our preview photo for October shows Palin in a spicy and revealing orange dress designed by "Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano, actually shooting and killing a large Moose with a shotgun.
Sarah Palin is not the only right-wing pundit want to get in line with this new strategy. While it's owner, Fox Broadcasting has always been willing to sell sex, Fox News is now getting into the game. Since they want to be "fair and balanced, yet family friendly" this sexy new content will be on later in the Fox News broadcast night after 10PM Eastern Standard Time. Some new shows include: "Glenn Beck's Crying Naked Show", "Sean Hannity Rates Strip Clubs" and "Bill O'Reilly Interviews Girls Gone Wild".
In a related story, Rush Limbaugh has signed with Nutrisystem as a new spokesperson and hopes to lose 50 pounds in 6 months. He claims this is for "health purposes" only.