Washington - (Pie-in-the-Sky): CIA director Leon Panetta may be due for a Wall Street-sized $$$s New Year bonus following the phenomenally successful interrogation of Detroit 'pants' bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab.
A top flight two year probe into faux UK royals Princes William and Harry has nailed down a London/New York Chinese spy ring whose $44 million crack cocaine laundering network paid for Abdulmutallab's 'education' and out-of-pocket expenses.
The news was greeted by President Obama with unbridled fury followed by barely concealed paranoia.
Reports about the hoaxer son of the pretender to the British throne's latest visit abroad on another Al Qaeda recruitment drive sent a chill through the White House.
"Mr President, this is the big one!" Panetta told a White House security briefing yesterday.
The faux royal House of Windsor's emissary is visiting New Zealand and Australia armed with a diplomatic bag containing $22 million in recruitment expenses.
"We think they're going to target US super major sites such as Chevron's Gorgon Field in Western Australia."
The $250 billion giant gas field has just signed up massive 25 year supply contracts with Japan and China that will bring in an estimated $400 billion in taxation revenues into the US Trerasury coffers.
"They're planning a 9/11 attack on the Gorgon site unless someone soon - maybe the Saudis - stumps up William's wedding expenses to IRA strumpet Kate Middleton," Pancetta added emphatically.
The so-called royal wedding has had to be put back several times after Middleton's crack cocaine baron uncle was exposed by the UK media last year.
"We think they need at least another 12 months to sanitise the Middleton family with massive backhanders to Establishment sychophants," Pancetta concluded.
William left for the New Zealand/Australia trip this Saturday.