Written by rookiewriter
Print this
Topics: Language, English

Saturday, 2 October 2004

image for Clear, concise speaking and facts shouldn't cloud next debate

(Columbus, Ohio) - President Bush today told a group of supporters at a bus stop rally in Ohio, a key state in the upcoming presidential election, that he wasn't going to allow his challenger's superior command of the English language and the facts have an undue advantage over the public's perception of him. The speech came two days after he and John Kerry sparred in a nationally televised debate over Iraq and other pressing foreign policy issues in which Mr. Kerry's command of the English language and the facts gained him an advantage with undecided voters. Most of the viewing audience did also note that although they like Mr. Kerry more now, they're still a little ‘weirded-out' by his orange-tinted skin.

At the Columbus rally, Mr. Bush, who at times during the debate seemed to be back on his heels while explaining his Iraq policies, had returned to his spunky Texas form once again. Sporting a pair of navy colored flip-flop thongs and a blue tank top with 'Flipper' the famous dolphin to remind his supporters of his challenger's multiple changes in position on key issues, Mr. Bush took one last shot at senator Kerry's debate performance before moving on to domestic matters. "My opponent is at it again. He's using his big, Ivy League, billionaire words and the facts in an attempt to confuse you," he told a cheering crowd outside the Columbus Tasty Freeze. "I won't confuse you. And I'll never, ever, ever change my mind on an issue. I'm here to protect each and every one of you. To protect America from all the dangerous threats my opponent would turn a blind eye to because he wants to be popular. That's the only thing you should focus on."

According to an anonymous campaign staffer, the Bush camp has filed a formal complaint with both the Kerry campaign and the National Association of Fair Presidential Debates (NAFPD) alleging that Mr. Kerry blatantly violated their pre-debate agreement. "We specifically agreed that the candidates would maintain parity in their speech and stick to a tenth-grade level. The Kerry camp clearly didn't do that." The staffer went on to add, "I don't know where all this ‘fact' nonsense came from. It's a presidential debate. What were they thinking?" A request has been made for restitution before the next scheduled debate on October 8th in St. Louis. "You'd think they would have learned from the Gore campaign. If they can't behave themselves, we may up the ante at the Supreme Court to two swing states this time."

The Kerry camp was also hot on the campaign trail, with multiple stops in Florida, another key state, and already focusing heavily on attacking Bush's domestic policies. "His policies are bad. They stink. They're a failure. He misjudged and misled you on everything. I can stand here today and tell you that because I have the benefit of hindsight, and not having to ever really face the pressure of making that big of a decision, I would have done better," Kerry said to a small crowd comprised of Florida's Mensa members.

When asked about the Bush campaign's complaint, a top Kerry aide indicated there would be little impact. "Just wait until the next debate. John has some special twelfth-grade words picked out for this one."

Make rookiewriter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 plus 4?

1 12 5 10
54 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more