Predicted Pregnancy, a low or no-cost organization mostly utilized by teens to avoid unwanted pregnancies has closed.
A spokesperson for the organization that wished not to be identified said Senator Orrin Hatch from Utah who has often said he would "close the place down or die trying," pressured Predicted Pregnancy board members to "close it down."
Hatch, who was a long-time friend of Senator Ted Kennedy who passed away in 2009, said, "Teddy was Catholic and didn't believe in this organization, he wanted Predicted Pregnancy closed and I made sure it happened."
Teens were turned away at almost every Predicted Pregnancy office except for those in Houston. Surprisingly, former Presidents George and George W Bush were happy the offices in Houston would remain open saying, "Heck what else do our kids have to do in Texas except have sex?" Former first lady Barbara Bush on the other hand was seen attempting to stop teens from entering Houston area clinics with a tennis racket.
While the debate of abortion, personal choice, and the choice to have sex goes on in Washington, no official opinion from the White House has been offered. "That's just a shame," yelled Hatch. "Why can't my President support me? What is this nation becoming?"
Former Vice President Dick Cheney told reporters outside his his home, "Hey look, I already got a gay daughter, what's wrong with a pregnant teen?"