Weird, South Carolina-- A major earthquake registering 6.66 on the Rictor Scale destroyed the house of Reverend Pat Robertson early today. The unusual quake struck just before dawn and only affected the minister's house. No injuries were reported.
The bizarre quake seemed to be in response to some remarks Reverend Robertson made yesterday about the tragic earthquake in Haiti. The reverend implied that Haiti's misfortune was a result of a deal with the devil to remove the French from the island long ago. This morning's seismic activity seemed to be a response to his comments.
Although no one was injured in the quake, some unusual items belonging to the reverend were recovered. Rescue workers found a cache of extremely degrading pornographic videos inside the house. Videos of men defecating into dirty diapers were discovered. Whips, chains, handcuffs and other sadomasochistic paraphernalia were also uncovered by the quake.
"Why, I have no idea where that evil, perverted sex stuff came from!" said Reverend Robertson. "The devil must have put all that inside my house and then sent an earthquake to embarrass me!"
The reverend says he will rebulld his house immediately. He is asking all his followers to send cash, and "any old, used diapers they don't want anymore."