Spilling the details of a private conversation had between himself and former president George W. Bush, Pat Robertson tells reporters that the current economic state is a result of God's punishment for Bush enjoying a personal "Wank" in the privacy of the oval office back in 2002.
"Sex is a sacrament ordained by God and meant to be performed between a married man and woman, period. Tossing off into the presidential waste basket, courtesy of the new Melons Magazine centerfold, is a sin. I think Mr. Robertson is clear on that", says Robertson aid and personal assistant, Virgil Nevirlayd.
Bush, immediately released a statement denying the accusation, saying that he is a happily married man, completely satisfied by his wife of "X number of years", and that the "Tossing off" claim is completely false.
Insiders on the white house staff from 2001 to 2009 don't necessarily agree. One aide who chose to remain nameless, which is good because it's difficult to keep coming up with fictitious names, tells reporters, "Well, I know for a fact that Cheney would leave a fresh copy of the magazine in Bush's top drawer, along with a fresh box of tissues. You draw your own conclusion".
Obama was relieved finally to have received confirmation that economic woes in 2010 could incontrovertibly be tied back to his predecessor.