Former Governor Sarah Palin announced today that she is quitting Fox News after a highly successful term of accepting a job there but before actually starting her job.
"This mavericky success I am proud to take credit, for hiring the right people, you know, myself," said the part-term governor, "But political operatives and people like that who come peeking into America from Russia - where do they look first? And we've had such success for the fine people of this of ours great nation. And now with the snow falling across the beauty of our greatness, I've determined it's best to transfer the authority a regular program of Fox News to my successor who is also a great lover. Of America.
"I will be back like a maverick now and then to report in an objective reporterlike way on the real America and how much it loves me with buying my book and paying me $100,000 to speak to teaparty rallies and tell them how great and patriotic they are to love America and the me. I can't wait to come on here on the Fox and be like a journalist giving you the facts about my next rally and how to contribute to the future of America which is and loving myself."
Pundits applauded this clever move. "By quitting before she begins," said wife-cheater Karl Rove, "Palin guarantees her success. Not one political opponent can accuse her of a lax work ethic since she never took a sick day, vacation day or was even late for work a single time at Fox News. Brilliant!"
However, not all Republicans were approving. "She quit her job without sending it overseas," criticized Republican Presidential Nomination Rival Mitt Romney, "When I was in private industry, I sent thousands of American jobs overseas but Palin could not even manage that for herself. Don't you want a president who knows that the way to make money is not to give up your own job, but to make other Americans give up theirs?"