Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Florida's 19th Annual Hurricane Awards. This is where we honour those thunderstorms which made the step up and caused sufficient damage to put them in the running for a much coveted AHA. Without further ado lets join our host for the evening Jackie Masonnnn.......
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be a short show...I don't know about you but I don't want to spend too much time here...so moving straight along to our first category..."
In the category of best supporting female hurricane in a category 2 role, the nominees are.. Jeanne for her performance in "I can't f*cking believe it, not another one", Naomi a category 3 hurricane which just missed Florida by a whisker and Sharon a thunderstorm which thrilled us all in "..what's that!! I'm telling you it's another one and they haven't warned us..."
"And the winner is ....Jeanne!! 'I can't f*cking believe...' and here to accept the award on behalf of Jeanne is John Fortesque of the JF Home Construction Inc.
"Thank you very much. Jeanne is sorry she can't be with us tonight...came as quite a blow but what can you do...anyhow she'd like to thank the hurricane hunters, met guys and other judges who voted for her, here's a kiss for all of you. As you know she went through a tough depression before things became stormy for her....but she still made it to a full blown hurricane and the rest is history...thank you all again"
"Well done John and everyone connected with Jeanne...moving on to the best male Hurricane in a drama ..category 3 plus..the nominees are ; Charley for his performance in "The best are yet to come", Ivan for his superb performance in "Let them try run the elections here now.." and Michael (Moore) for his terrible wind in "That's it I'm f*cked if I eat another curried egg again".
"And the winner is.....Ivan "Let them......" and to accept the award on behalf of Ivan is Alan Foster of Royal DIY Hardware Stockists Inc."
"Firstly I'd like to thank the judges and everyone who voted for Ivan without whom this award would not be possible. I'd also like to tell Michael and Charley that they really gave Ivan a full go. Who knows guys maybe in the future.....Ivan would also like to thank the ocean just off the coast which together with a superb atmosphere made this all possible. At one point Michael was so full of wind the trophy appeared to be slipping from our grasp. We'd also like to thank everyone connected with our hurricane, just know that without you we could easily have blown this...thank you."
"Ladies and gentlemen I don't wish to alarm you, maybe you've got your own problems but there's a heck of a wind gathering outside and I have to bid you all a goodnight.."