NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) -- What was to be a fantasy come true, two Taylors in one bed, making hot, sweaty sex (and for one, the first time) became a bitter, howling fist fight that landed both stars in the NYC pokey!
Things began well enough, said sources close to the Taylors.
"She snuck away from her domineering mother by telling her she was going to a Girl Scout meeting in the Bronx," said a close assoicate of the teen songstress.
"Yeah, we had our Taylor (Lautner) on task and raring to go; in the hotel at the appointed time, and dressed as Ms. Swift had insisted, in a blue taffeta pant-suit," said Lautner's non-spokesperson.
Ms. Swift arived sans retinue, and with a maidenly blush, dropped her saintly white drawers bedside her love nest, and primly pulled the covers over her nekkidness, while Lautner waited in the suite's bathroom.
"I'm ready for you, my love. Make me a raunchy woman-bitch, right here; right now," screamed Swift.
Lautner, according to Swift, in her deposition to the arresting officers, said that the "super-stud", "Sashayed out in the dress and danced the hokey pokey, then raised the skirt up while saying, 'Let me introduce you to my little friend,' in a bad, Mexican accent."
"I was expecting at least eight inches, because that's what he said he was packing," sobbed the angry Swift.
"It was cold, dammit," the former stud whined to the arresting officer.
"I told her to pour some sugar on it," he said.
"Pour some sugar on what! I've seen bigger peckers on a three-month old I baby sat back in high school!" dissed Swift swiftly.
The two were charged with disturbing the peace. Lautner was also charged with assault with a dead weapon.
Both were released on $50,000 bail.
Ms. Swift remains a virgin, by all accounts.