Written by ruthless
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Osama Bin Laden

Monday, 27 September 2004

image for Key 2004 Election Dates
"Re-counting" the vote...

Monday, November 1: The badly decomposed body of Osama bin Laden is "found."

Tuesday, November 2: Election Day.

Wednesday, November 3: Amid widespread claims of extensive election fraud, nationwide recount begins.

Thursday, November 4: Nationwide Recount Stopped by U.S. Appeals Court.

Monday, November 8: Nationwide recount is allowed to continue by order of U.S. Appeals Court.

Wednesday, November 10: GOP "supporters" in ten swing states simultaneously invade courthouses and burn ballots when recount shows Kerry in lead; police fail to make any arrests.

Thursday, November 11: Democratic supporters urge calm (10,000 arrested and beaten).

Friday, November 12: Supreme Court imposes stay of earlier circuit court ruling...orders recount to stop.

Monday, November 15: Electronic voting machines from several swing states found buried in lot after being crushed by a steamroller; others discovered dumped off Florida coast.

Tuesday, November 16 (morning): Dick Chaney says "Recount is dangerous and gives comfort to our enemies." Calls on Kerry to "Do the Right Thing!"

Tuesday, November 16 (afternoon): John Edwards tells Dick Cheney to "Crawl back into your hole and die!"

Tuesday, November 16 (evening): John Edwards denounced for his "Unpatriotic and disgusting outburst!"

Wednesday, November 17: George W. Bush Says "Iran absolutely uh...positively...without a Shadow of...ah...a doubt, has, I mean...possesses weapons...and they're bad. You know...they're weapons of mass destruction. We're talking mushroom cloud over Disney World...bad...these folks are bad!" He quickly adds that, "Changing horses now would be bad...our enemies...are looking for weakness. You know, they have these weapons..."

Wednesday, November 17: Fox News reports that "High Level Intelligence Sources" say, "Iran Absolutely, Positively, Without a Shadow of a Doubt, Possesses Weapons of Mass Destruction!" Adding that "A leadership change in the U.S. would be fatal."

Wednesday, November 17: NBC News reports that "High Level Intelligence Sources" say, "Iran Absolutely, Positively, Without a Shadow of a Doubt, Possesses Weapons of Mass Destruction!" Adding that "A leadership change in the U.S. would be fatal."

Wednesday, November 17: ABC News reports that "High Level Intelligence Sources" say, "Iran Absolutely, Positively, Without a Shadow of a Doubt, Possesses Weapons of Mass Destruction!" Adding that "A leadership change in the U.S. would be fatal."

Thursday, November 18: David Brooks on the New York Times editorial page claims that "High Level Intelligence Sources" say, "Iran Absolutely, Positively, Without a Shadow of a Doubt, Possesses Weapons of Mass Destruction!" Adding that "A leadership change in the U.S. would be fatal."

Friday, November 19: Colin Powell quits as Secretary of State to "Spend more time with his family."

Monday, November 22: The U.S. Supreme Court, citing national security, bars all further recounts, disregarding evidence of extensive electronic vote rigging and fraud, and ignoring testimony that millions of minorities were harassed and disenfranchised. By a 5-4 vote, they declare George W. Bush the re-elected President of the United States. In a dissenting opinion, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg writes, "SCALIA SUCKS!!!" and burns her panties in protest.

Tuesday, November 23: George W. Bush declares, "The rule of law has...uh...ahh...been...ah....uh...you know, upheld in this...our...great nation."

Monday, November 29: Donald Rumsfeld announces that due to troop shortages, the U.S. military will begin drafting all 18-25 year old males immediately. For the first time in history, no deferments will be granted for National Guard service, family obligations or other hardships.

Tuesday, November 30: INS agents at all Canadian border crossings report a massive upswing of single, male "tourists."

Make ruthless's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 4?

8 6 15 2

Go to top