Stuttgart, CA - Researchers have drawn a link between UFO abductees and mental illness. Utilizing MUFON reports from as far back as 1985, researchers have found a 100 percent correlation between abductees and 'being complete nutjobs'.
"Those researchers are just part of the conspiracy to silence us, man," says Jamie Hillard, an abuctee, "disinformation, misinformation, they brought down the Towers, they're the same ones who deny that Obama is a Lizardman and Hilary Clinton authorized the Kennedy Assasination in 2004 using time-traveling assassins.
"You think it's a coincidence? Do you? Who are you, anyway? Why are you recording this? I know what you're up to man. You might be able to silence me, but you'll never be able to silence the movement. You'll never silence the truth!"
Hillard walked away from the interview rubbing his gums and sniffing a lot.