Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 9 January 2010

image for Newark Airport Now Boasts a Special "Final Goodbye Kiss" Area
"A Kiss is Just a Kiss" but a final airport kiss is special . . .

The New Jersey airport found it necessary to set this up after a Rutgers University graduate student breached security by entering a restricted area to give his girlfriend one last kiss before she left for L.A. Havoc ensued, with many angry passengers and staff being inconvenienced by the security misstep.

"It was a horror story straight out of Hollywood," complained one irritated passenger. "Now with this new Final Goodbye Kiss area, hopefully this won't happen again."

The new area is cordoned off from the rest of the airport with red velvet ropes. It has comfy, red, heart-shaped couches; breath mints are sold at a reasonable cost. Special music from the rock band KISS is piped in. For a nominal fee, photographers snap photos and sell the completed product in a cupid-decorated frame. Nuns have been hired from the local parochial school to make sure that the kissing couples don't get too carried away. According to the Mother Superior, "The couples are to leave some room for the Holy Ghost." (One pony-tailed male participant in jeans remarked that the restriction didn't bother him at all, since "The Holy Ghost is invisible. Right, man?")

"We welcome couples of all types," said a smiling airport official. "Same-sex couples are, of course, permitted to use the area." Then he quickly added, "They do, however, have to remember that same-sex marriage was just voted down by the NJ Senate."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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