BOISE, Idaho - President Barack Obama was in Boise to attend the dedication of the town's 80-foot tall Mr. Potato Head statue.
After the festive festivities he was asked what he plans on doing about these nasty Al Qaeda and Taliban operatives who have discovered that putting bombs in their Fruit of the Looms is the way to go (literally).
The president grinned, took a bite out of his French fries and replied that, that was a very good question. He said that first of all he wanted to thank the good people of Idaho for their hospitality.
He went on to say that he cannot understand why hardly anyone ever wants to visit Idaho, it is truly a beautiful state full of mountains, potatoes, square dancers, appaloosa horses, potatoes, running rivers, sitting ducks, and potatoes.
President Obama then decided to speak a little Spanish by mentioning the Idaho state slogan, "Oye senor, pasa me las papas fritas por favor," which means "Hey sir, pass me the French fries please."
The people looked at each other with puzzled looks as no one in the crowd could speak Spanish.
He then said that speaking of potatoes. "Those babies are the best darn thing to come out of Idaho since Lou Dobbs, Ezra Pound, and Sacajawea and that's what I'm talkin' about."
One of the audience members hollered out, "Hey how about the crotch and groin bombers?"
The president shouted back that they were not from Idaho and to never ever again shout out such a stupid question at the leader of the free world.
He then said that getting back to the issue at hand, which is how are we going to deal with these bombastic underwear wearing terrorists.
"First of all, I am going to get together with the underwear industry and ask them to develop a new pair of briefs that when a bomb device, or bomb for that matter, is placed in the underwear, a fabric mechanism will be triggered and the underwear will completely dissolve within 30 seconds causing the bomb device, or bomb, to fall on the floor where it can be seen by the average person."
The president went on to say that if we do not move to stop these stupid ass terrorists from putting bomb devices and bombs in their underwear now, who knows next they may start inserting bomb devices or bombs in orifices and cavities that I cannot mention due to the dozens of little kiddoes in the audience.
He ended his speech by saying that when he gets back to Washington, his second priority will be to sit down with Vice-President Joe Biden, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and talk show host Oprah Winfrey and together they will figure out a plan in which they can legally outlaw crotch bombers and groin bombers once and for all.
Everyone agreed and they would have given the president a standing ovation except for the fact that they were already standing on their feet because wicker chairs can get mighty uncomfortable after a while.
In a related story. An elderly woman in Odessa, Texas Hattie May Junetower, 101, found a potato chip with the likeness of Nancy Pelosi on it. She put it on eBay and ended up selling it for three cents.