Cornstalk, Nebraska - Cornered yesterday afternoon in the Fashion section of the Mystic County Book Store, Sarah Palin flew into a frenzy when a science writer for the Mystic Weekly Magazine asked for her opinion regarding a NASA report of an looming supernova explosion.
"I don't know why people continue to believe these crazy ideas when there is no real evidence for it. It's just a theory," said Palin.
"Not only that, but it's obvious that NASA under the Obama administration has lost its way and has forsaken the American principals NASA once stood for, which was spear heading the technology of inter-continental ballistic missile systems so we could nuke those pesky Russian if necessary. NASA shouldn't be looking for those aliens or illegally spying on distant stars either,right? "
Informed that as the result of the supernova explosion the overall Milky Galaxy temperature might increase by about one third of one degree Celsius, Palin whirled about and, spitting out pieces of her salmon sandwich, shouted, "Thee, that's what I mean. What's with all this thotholist Celsius stuff? It ain't American. If Fahrenheit was good enough for Jesus it ought to be good enough for you and me. So when I'm in charge there won't be any more of that. And you can tell all your socialist friends too that I intend to be President for ten year 'cause I got all these roll-over-minutes left over from my Governship of Alaska. I bet you didn't know that Mr. Smarty Pants."
With that the reporter was escorted out by store security where he accidently tripped and was trampled under the feet of those waiting in line in the rain. Crawling away to safety he was then somehow tragically crushed under the wheels of Palin's tour bus. His death was later ruled a suicide by Cecil Moore, Mystic County Coroner