Philadelphia, PA-- A local man sporting an erection caused the evacuation of Philadelphia International Airport this morning.
Harry Uno, 49, was one of the first people to be scanned with the new airport devices that removes clothing.
A female scanner noticed the erection and alerted security. The airport was immediately closed forever and all surrounding schools and businesses for 100 miles were closed for the rest of the year.
Mr. Uno was taken into custody by the FBI, Homeland Insecurity, the CIA, and the NSA. He apologised for the indiscretion and was then taken by plane to be waterboarded at Gitmo.
"I just couldn't control myself!" said Mr. Uno. "I saw a photo of Michelle Obama on a magazine cover and it excited me so much! I started thinking of her incredible rock-star arms and got all tingly. I just lost it!" he explained.
The unidentified female scanner says she was alarmed by Mr. Uno's erection. The elderly woman is a spinster and had never seen a naked man before.
"I thought he had a rocket in his pocket. I never saw anything like it and I was terrified of it!" said the spinster.
"What was it??" inquired the Old Maid.
Homeland Insecurity will now have posters up to discourage men from having erections. Giant nude posters of Rosie O'Donnell will be used to discourage straight men from having erections. Nude posters of Barney Frank will also be used to discourage gay men from becoming aroused.
If these measures fail, Homeland Insecurity will have no choice except to castrate all adult males before flying.