Written by rewinn
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Topics: Terrorism, Underwear

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Crotch Bomber to Use "Nuh-uh!" Defense
Public Defender Maynard contemplating his future after being assigned to defend Abdulmutallab

The court-appointed attorney for crotch bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab announced today that his legal defense at the upcoming criminal trial will be based on the "Nuh-uh!" theory.

"What else can I do?," said Illinois Public Defender John Maynard, "There's over 100 passengers willing to testify they saw flames shooting out of his pants; the FBI found bomb residue all over his clothing; and YouTube has literally dozens of cell-phone videos taken on the plane, showing him screaming, "Argh! My bomb has burned my dick off!!!"

When asked how the proposed defense will work, Maynard sighed. "It's simple. The prosecution puts up their evidence. Then it's my duty to respond for my assigned client. Given the weight of the evidence against my client, I might as well stand up and say "Nuh-uh!" and then sit down."

Commentators and bloggers condemn Maynard for this approach. "If we give the crotch bomber a day in court," said serial wife cheater Newt Gingrich, "There's always the chance the jury might acquit. 100 eyewitnesses, crime lab forensics, and cellphone videos might not stand against the power of the Nuh-uh Defense."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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