Everyone in the English speaking world is familiar with the concept of nursery rhymes. They are taught to small children as stories, in games, in songs, and as hand motions. Many have been made into small cartoons or even feature length movies. A recent study by the Department of Education, however, has shown that these can be confusing to children and that the language may be too archaic to understand.
Marcia Bradford, spokesman for the Department of Education, offered the following statement: "In the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme, we find that Jack fell down and broke his crown. Modern children do not associate this with a part of his head. They believe that Jack was a part of a royal family and broke some time of jeweled crown like a king would wear. Now, why would any member of a royal family ever have to carry a pail up a hill to get his own water? This confuses our children."
"Little Miss Muffet also sat on her tuffet. What's a tuffet? Does it even come up on your spell check? The only reason that no one has ever changed the word is that it rhymes with Muffet. I think that we should start saying something that the kids would understand, like Little Miss Class sat on her ass, or Little Miss Nutt sat on her butt."
"Also, who eats curds and whey? Just call it cottage cheese and figure out a rhyme for it!"
"In Humpty Dumpty, we are told that all of the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put him back together. Since when do horses put anything together? Have you ever seen a horse do a jigsaw puzzle, or build something from lego blocks? This is just stupid."
"I really feel that we should just scrap these nursery rhymes and come up with new ones. What do the kids understand today? Rap music! Sing about killing cops, bitches, pimps, and ho's and you've got it made. Adapt it again in fifty years if you have to, but change this and you might just fix the education system."