Written by ej moore
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Topics: Theft, Oprah Winfrey

Friday, 17 September 2004

image for God tells Oprah Winfrey "Hurricanes Florida punishment for George Bush election theft"
Oprah Winfrey gave God a custom GM Pontiac G6

CHICAGO - During an unprecedented celebrity score on Monday, media queen Oprah Winfrey will broadcast a special interview with God in which He says that the current Florida devastation from hurricane activity is directly related to the Bush election theft of 2000.

"I regret that some innocent Floridians had to endure My wrath regarding this matter," He told Oprah Winfrey, "but I had to hold accountable George Bush and the many people who participated in stealing the 2000 election from Albert Gore, and those sinners are located all over the state."

When Winfrey asked Him why He so avenged Al Gore, God told viewers, "Albert is a favorite of Mine because he is one of the few humans in politics that has a grasp on the importance of protecting the environment."

"It's a well known fact that I created humans after I created everything else," God continued. "They were designed as caretakers, not destroyers, of My creation. Al is one of the few humans who isn't clueless in this matter."

When Oprah Winfrey asked whom else He favored in politics, God related that Democratic Senator Joseph Leiberman was another of His "special sons," but He went on to explain that during Leiberman's bid for the Democratic nomination, He was busy overseeing the "wrongful attack" on the faithful of Iraq and couldn't break away to insure Leiberman's win.

"Contrary to popular belief, I can't be everywhere at once," He said. "A few thousand years ago when there were far less people on Earth, it wasn't difficult to oversee the natural order of things. However, I didn't realize that humans would breed so rapidly and without thought, and now there are just too many of you skittering around to keep up with."

When Winfrey asked God about His other pet peeves, He told her that #1 among them was the fact that He wished everyone could agree on what to call Him.

I'm known by too many names," He said, "and it causes all kinds of misunderstandings."

Dressed smartly in a custom-designed Ralph Lauren linen robe with gold Tiffany crown and Prada accessories, God paused in His diatribe on the election theft to praise Winfrey for her ongoing philanthropic deeds.

"Oprah, you are one of My greatest successes, and I cite your name often during My angel lectures," He said. "I hope you know how much I appreciate your generous contributions to humanity…by the way, does GM have an extra Pontiac G6 for their favorite Creator?"

God went on to explain that although He had tickets for Winfrey's season premiere, He missed it due to the need for an emergency visit to George Bush.

"Honestly, I don't know what 'higher Father' Bush thinks he's talking to," God said, "but it certainly isn't Me."

Winfrey closed the interview by presenting God with a custom G6, a Godiva chocolates gift basket, and a surprise throne makeover.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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