US President Barack Obama has for the first time realised that an offshoot of the CIA planted some chemicals in a bag belonging to a Nigerian man with a history of mental illness. He said that as he was now seen by the world as a feeble leader with no policies or any direction, the CIA had arranged the stunt to give him a chance to look decisive and firm - which again he failed to do.
As Obama is now on permanent holiday, he was speaking from Hawaii. 'All those who were on that festive day planting a harmless fake bomb on that plane must know anyone can now fly around the world, then the CIA can plant a bag on him for the last leg of what we can decisively deduce is, in fact, something that scares the American people.'
People that really want to blow up jets do so, as happened when Pan Am Flight 103 was destroyed over Lockerbie in 1988. And it is rumored that the CIA were also involved in that one, either deliberately blowing it up to frame Libya for the act or when CIA explosives in the cargo accidentally detonated.
The 'bomb' on Christmas Day did not, of course, explode, and it was just a coincidence the incident happened when most American people would be at home watching television. 'It was just a coincidence', President Holidaymaker added, 'though another rumor - that Americans believe all the crap they're fed by television news - is quite true. America actually has color-coded 'terror alerts', like some sort of brainwashing exercise for little children! Man, I'm glad I'm always away from the States, it's embarrassing how grown adults believe all that shit!'
Next week there will be another 'security alert' involving a jet, probably someone spotted in it with a pair of scissors - who might use it to hijack a plane. Every passenger jet in the world has in its cabin ... an axe. But as CNN has gone on and on and on and on about 'terrorists' and lists of all sorts of things you can't take on board planes, 250 million Americans have believed it all.
If there was really a worldwide 'al-Qaeda' there would have been endless bombs across America, it is impossible for such a large country to stop individuals get into the US and make bombs there - a child could do it. There is no worldwide 'al-Qaeda' network out to destroy the West, they're just a handful of bandits in Arabic countries taking on their own governments. And how even basic security of the sort airports had 30 years ago could miss a whole bomb is laughable.
And funny how Obama has taken so long to come out and say all this - it's almost as if he's hinting that the CIA are trying to scare American citizens into accepting more and more restrictions and control of their lives. The land of the free ain't that free any more.