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Saturday, 2 January 2010

image for Newest Watergate Tape Discovery Reveals Nixon Was Called Tricky Dick Because of Eighteen Inch Prehensile Penis
The late President had a lot to smile about

A full generation after the Watergate break in and successive cover-up, a new White House tape discovery is adding additional insight and information about former President Richard M. Nixon. This tape reveals that the man reviled as "tricky Dick" got that nickname earlier in life, and not because of his shady dealings with others. In fact, Nixon received the name due to having an eighteen inch prehensile penis.

In the tape, Nixon is discussing the cover-up with H.R. (Bob) Haldeman. At one point, you hear the sound of a zipper going down and then Mr. Haldeman is heard.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

Nixon answers and says "I'm stirring some more sugar and cream into my coffee. I was busy with both of my hands."

Haldeman sounds clearly upset when he says "please put that thing away sir, you look like a chimpanzee using a one eyed tail."

Nixon chuckles and replies "My tricky dick and I used to perform in a side show during my college breaks just to earn some extra money. I worked with the four breasted lady, the two headed baby, the bearded lady, the dog faced boy, bat boy, and several really great fellows."

In further statements on the tape, Nixon makes several other revelations. He explains that he was also an early porn star. When he was a young man, he says that it was his "one eyed trouser snake" that would usually sneak out and survey the scene in the clubs and bars and pick his dates. He also says that, while serving as an officer in WWII, the army department heard that Joseph Mengele wanted to experiment with his penis; this explains why Nixon fought in the war in the Pacific ("to keep me away from that butcher...I don't know what Pat would have done if I'd come home without her best friend.").

Nixon also explained that he never washed his hands after peeing because "my trouser snake can sneak out of my fly, unzip my pants from the inside, take aim and fire, shake itself off, and go back inside all by itself. I never have to touch anything."

Today, Tricky Dick's magical member resides in a jar in a laboratory at Johns Hopkins. While several people requested penis transplants after his death, this was impossible as Pat's best friend was willed to medical science.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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