Experts from several universities as well as all major new organizations have reported today that the $787 billion stimulus package has disappeared without a trace. Several government agencies including the FBI, IRS, Federal Reserve as well as the 535 members of Congress and the 9 Supreme Court Justices have joined the search. All have failed to find any evidence of jobs that were created.
Finally, some Howdy Doody redneck look alike from Bayou La Batre Alabama, thought to be a cousin of Forest Gump, did a search on Google. When he put in: "where are the jobs" and clicked "I'm feeling lucky" he discovered that the dollar doesn't fall very far from the tree. In fact, D.C. and Baltimore showed a success rate of nearly more than the total of the rest of the USA.
In other news, United Van Lines have reported their fleet is all booked up by people moving to D.C. and Baltimore. They also issued a press release saying that anyone over 65 wishing to move to Kansas to get free Medicare will have to book early and will not be offered the usual senior citizens discount.