Written by Rebut
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Topics: Florida, Hurricane

Thursday, 16 September 2004

image for Jeanne Next Hurricane For Florida
South Florida completely submerged 2005

Jeanne became a Hurricane as soon as she hit the Domincan Republic. This category 2 will now move through the Bahamas before reaching Nassau around Sunday. From there it's onto South Florida with predictions ranging between a near miss and veering north and hitting the embattled state. Of course she's just one of the many that are visiting this year.

The problem with all of this, is that the presidential election will soon be upon us. With the way things have gone with hurricanes this year, Florida voters can expect a visit to a polling station to go something like this. Please note that the public announcer at the polling station, is a human being just like you and me and doesn't deserve resentment and abuse.

"Voters please note the arrival of Hurricane Norman from Cuba. Norman will be upon us in.....oh about...ten minutes, so please try to hang on to your identity documents. As you have registered here please try and track this polling stations in your car. If this proves impossible due to Typhoon Gina kindly make your way to the dry stations in the north."

"We would further reassure voters about Tsunami Lisa..she's not due for at least another 2 hours. Apparently Tidal Waves Bruno and Desmond are ahead of her, which is causing the delay....so there's a bit of good news".

"Voters I've just been handed a piece of paper from our good friends at the weather office. It seems like good news....on Thursday next week we'll see the Sun...wait! I was a bit hasty, apparently they believe the Sun is careering out of it's orbit and they believe it'll crash into Florida.......unless an asteroid like the one which wiped out the Dinosaurs crashes into us first, in which case it'll all become academic....ho ho so let's all pull for that asteroid!!"

"I hate to mention this at a time like this, I'm sure you've got enough problems of your own, but my sinuses are killing me. At first I thought it was the damp but I'm starting to get a sneaky suspicion that this may be down to all the radioactivity generated by the water seeping into strategic storage plants. My doctor says that if I'm right we'll all be dead before Christmas....don't forget to mark your ballot papers correctly and move quickly...lets vote as many as we can before...whatever's due next".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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