All non-Republicans will have passports revoked after Bush re-elected
Washington, DC-- Based on the extraordinarily successful harassment of Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) when he was "inadvertently" placed on the Transportation Security Administration's No-Fly List, Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie announced that by Election Day in November, all Democrats will be placed on the list.
"We have found yet another way to be hurtful and immoral, and by God, we'll take great advantage of it," he said in remarks today. "We have those Dems by the short hairs, and we're making the most of it."
"This is no wishy-washy European liberal country where the government is supposed to protect the rights of its citizens and make life better for them," he said. "No, this is America, where big business is the business of America. Love it or leave it!"
"After President Bush is re-elected," he added, "only those with Republican Party affiliation will be allowed to possess American passports. Penalties for Democrats possessing a passport will range from prison terms to large fines."
Other changes planned for post-election announcement have been leaked to the right wing media. They include:
- Any factory with less than four smokestacks will be fined $1,000.00 per day.
- All taxes abolished for those earning more than $1,000,000.00 per year.
- Anyone caught earning less than $15,000.00 per year will be deported to Mexico.
- Anyone unemployed for more than one year will be conscripted into the National Volunteer Teacher's Corps to teach English in Iraq. Since unemployment now becomes a crime, all Unemployment Insurance programs will be eliminated, and any workers in unemployment insurance offices will be laid off.
- Abortion will become illegal, and will be removed from all dictionaries. Anyone saying the word "abortion" on Television or Radio will be imprisoned.
- Tofu will be banned from all supermarkets.
- Free checking will be abolished. Banks will be required to charge fees for all services. ATMs will be banned because every citizen has the right to stand in line for their lunch hour at least once per week.