Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi celebrated Groundhog Day by removing her head from her ass. After wiping the feces from her eyes and looking around, however, she put it right back in. Spokesman Muffy Muncher said that "Nancy saw her shadow, which meant that we are in for six more years of economic famine, and returned to her proper place."
This action was repeated by members of the media pulled their heads for a few minutes from the ass of Barack Obama. When he noticed the absence and begin to speak, however, they quickly put their heads back in and begin taking notes from their Liege Lord. This marks six more years of one sided journalism.
The groundhogs, however, stayed in their holes this year, hoping that the climate would eventually be better for them and that the over 10% of the populace that was unemployed would not attempt to eat them.