Written by Rebut
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Topics: Yankees, Sony

Monday, 13 September 2004

image for Sony Gettysburg Gridiron TV Game
Angry retailers are taking Sony staff to task.

Sony has come up with a playstation game called Gettysburg Gridiron. It matches the Northern Yankees against the Southern Feds with players and coaches selected from the famous battle. Unfortunately it does have a few quirks.

For starters, Southern QB Robert E Lee, regardless of instructions, will go down the middle and bomb out. I've tried turning him sideways, using the "blinkers" feature and a few other exotic variations, it didn't make one iota of a difference.

So I decided to play for the Yankees and see if it was any better. I chose Joseph Hooker as my Quarterback seeing as he had a fair record. All was going well until my team left the changeroom and Hooker was relieved. I mean what is the point of selecting your QB if he get's relieved every time he takes the field? At least Robert E Lee gets to the field if nothing else!

Another feature that irritated the crap out of me was the celebratory song every time the Yankees score. It goes something like : "For score, seven points ago, our ancestors took the lead.....!" Shit in your hat and punch it .....

Many parents will also be less than pleased with the "fixed plays". 'Cemetery Ridge' for example, involves handing the ball to a running back whereafter a homicidal tendency developes and any number of players are killed. What happened to the good ol' NFL and groin strains?

It also loses a lot of realism when the horses arrive I can tell you. Whoever punched up the software obviously doesn't make many College and Pro games. I haven't seen a shambles this bad since I watched the San Diego Charg...but I digress.

Professor Alan Hill, historian and well known authority on Gettysburg said : "I don't believe that Sony have captured the essence of the great battle. The game fails to bring out the many battles within a battle, loses sight of the courage of certain great individuals and is seriously misguided in it's inclusion of Klingons".

"Take for example Sony's interpretation of 'Pickett's Charge'. Instead of it being translated into a glorious, heroic play, thereby mirroring the deciding moment of the battle, they've put it in as a novelty feature to see how much is taken at the 'gate', by the frigging klingon attendants!!"

Leading NFL coaches were none too pleased with Sony's use of terminology either. "Offense' is not 'insult', 'defense' is not 'the accused' and 'flag on the play' is not 'pooped."

AS games go Sony will spend far less and get far more. This one will go down in history and just keep on going down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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